ABC WEDNESDAY --"V" is for "verbose"

This is the bottom part of the brunch menu from Seattle's well-frequented and scrumptiously good Boat Street Cafe. I'm often amused by the length of warnings about food and such on menus or labels and was wondering how to shorten the verbosity of this one.  How about:

Allergic? Tell us. Beware of undercooked yolks! In a hurry? Eat elsewhere. Lotsa people=20% more tip. To go for $15 or more=10% or cheapskates can tip less. Figure out splitting the bill by yourselves or add 5%. No checks or American Express!  Enjoy your own dessert for $2.50 each.

See other V's at ABC WEDNESDAY.